“Beauty is not who you are on the outside, it is the wisdom and time you gave away to save another struggling soul, like you.”
― Shannon L. Alder
― Shannon L. Alder
I haven’t
grown up very religious. It was a path I chose for myself. And when I say
religious, I mean that my parents didn’t take me to church, or do devotionals
with me, and I’ve never seen them read the Bible or listen to Christian music.
Both of my parents, if had to, would say they are Catholic. At most, my mom
gave me a children’s version book of the Bible, and we would read those stories
together sometimes. My mom and I also prayed together every night. My first
look at what a religious person does came from one of my uncles, who was the only Christian among his five siblings. His daughter
was like a sister to me growing up, so I used to sleep over a lot. My uncle would read a devotional to us before bed, and then we all went to church Sunday mornings, and on the way, my
uncle would put on a Christian radio station. My favorite phrase he would say
on the way to church was, “Are there any Christians on the road today?”
When I got
older and it was time to pick a college, I wanted to go to Azusa Pacific
University to learn more about my faith. There, I met really great friends, was
involved with an amazing community, and had an overall wonderful experience. I
loved my time there. Whenever someone asks me about it, I say that it is the
friendliest school on the planet. People always smile at you and say hi,
whether they know you or not. Lots of people just hold open a door until
everyone has walked through. Once, when I was on a small bridge looking at the
water, a random girl walked up to me to find out if I was okay. It was strange,
but nice.
If I could
pick one word to describe my experience there, it would be happy. I was very
happy. But that’s not the word everyone would choose. I’ve had friends who were
so unhappy and depressed there that they left. One of my roommates struggled
with depression for years before going to APU and it continued throughout her
time there. She felt a lack of community and support for her condition, and
even felt bad for being depressed. She thought that since she was a believer,
she shouldn’t be unhappy. What reason does a believer have to be unhappy when
they have the grace and love of God?
She wasn’t
the only person who has expressed that opinion to me. When I was depressed, one
of my Catholic uncles told me that it was because I didn’t count my blessings
and wasn’t grateful for what I had. He said that if I was truly grateful, I
wouldn’t be unhappy. My Christian uncle dismissed what I told him about my
depression, because he said that I have God, so why would I be sad? It’s true
that being at a Christian school were the happiest years of my life, but my
faith did nothing to bring me happiness after I left. And like my old roommate,
I thought that as a Christian, it was a sin to be unhappy. I felt like being an
unhappy Christian was like taking all God has done for me, and then throwing it
out like trash. It just felt like I was unappreciative and doing something
wrong.
Despite my
own suffering, and those of people I knew, while exploring the topic of faith
and happiness, the most prominent finding is that there is a lot of research to
indicate that religious and spiritual people are happier, live longer lives,
and have an overall better well-being than nonbelievers. Tom Knox cites many studies
to prove this point, such as, “In 2006, the American Society of Hypertension
established that church-goers have lower blood pressure than the non-faithful.”
Religious people recover from injuries and diseases quicker than non-religious,
and “A 1999 study found that going to a religious service or saying a few prayers
actively strengthened your immune system.” An article titled “Spiritual
Engagement and Meaning” states that spirituality and prayer can be a meditative
act, which is linked with well-being, “because it calms the body, reduces
stress and anxiety, and also supports positive thinking.”
So, there’s
a lot of good stuff that happens for believers and church-goers. There’s
actually so much evidence to suggest that believers are happier and healthier than
nonbelievers that it was hard to find much evidence to prove otherwise. Reading
about all these studies reminds me of many conversations I’ve had with
believers about happiness. I’ve heard believers, no matter Christian or
Catholic, who have said that having faith is the only true path to
happiness, so they don’t understand how a nonbeliever could be happy or even
happier than they are. I think their perspective is a little funny.
This belief
that God is the only way to happiness means that every believer should be
happy. So then when a believer is unhappy, what does that mean? They don’t
truly have faith? They’re far from God? Something’s wrong with them? Really, this
belief is false. All believers are not happy, and being a believer does not
mean you will be happy. And being a nonbeliever does not mean you can’t be
happy. Besides, this isn’t the gospel that Jesus preaches. He doesn’t say, “Follow
me and you will be happy.” In fact, he says, “Follow me and you will be
persecuted, go through many trials, and it will not be easy, but I will be with
you through everything.” The main goal of Christianity is not to be happy, but happiness can definitely be a side effect. The main goal is to follow God by loving Him, others, and yourself. There are religions who
preach happiness is the end all goal, but that’s not Protestant or Catholicism.
Though
believers face hardships like everyone else, being religious is ultimately very
beneficial. In addition to the studies mentioned earlier, Ben Dean Ph.D. has
also found that particularly for religious young people, there are less who
smoke, do drugs, or drink alcohol. Also, “Young people who engage in religious
practices (like going to church) are also more likely to have better grades and
delay having sex.” Married couples who believe religion is important and
actively participate in religious activities “are less likely to experience
conflict in their marriage and more likely to perceive their spouses as
supportive.” Believers who practice their faith may often have good traits “such
as altruism, volunteerism, kindness, and forgiveness.” Lastly, having religious
beliefs is associated with the ability to cope well through hardships.
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| "When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." |
In my own
experience, the biggest difference between my friends who go through hard times
is that the believers can “give it to God,” take the trial as a learning
experience, and believe that things will get better. The nonbelievers have a
greater difficulty understanding why they are suffering, and thus are less
equipped to cope with it. Gordon Allport found that believers have either an
intrinsic or extrinsic religious orientation, and this affects how they cope
with life’s difficulties.
Extrinsically
orientated people seek out religion, “because it provides comfort and security,
but he or she would also be motivated by guilt or external sources of pressure
(family, social pressure, etc.).” Intrinsically orientated people are “motivated
more by faith and a search for meaning and purpose in life.” People with
intrinsic faith have better coping skills, because they can find meaning in the
obstacles of life. This is backed up by studies such as, “In 1998, the American
Journal of Public Health found that depressed patients with a strong ‘intrinsic
faith’ (a deep personal belief, not just a social inclination to go to a place
of worship) recovered 70 per cent faster than those who did not have strong
faith.”
Further,
there are four different coping styles that religious and spiritual people
have:
- A self-directing style – “Individuals with this style are calling the shots. Though they may believe in a higher power, they rely on themselves to solve/handle any problems.”
- A deferring style – “Individuals with this style are more passive. They wait for God to handle the situation.”
- A collaborative style – “Individuals with this style see themselves as working with God to deal with the problem at hand.”
- A surrendering style – “Individuals make a conscious decision to relinquish those aspects of the situation that are truly beyond their control.”
Each style
is actually useful with different situations, but most churches preach the
surrendering style as the best, and say that the self-directing style is the
worst. When it comes to
just being able to get through a hard time, each has its
benefits.
Though
prayer, mediation, and participating in religious activities all lead to good
overall well-being, the most surprising finding was how important it is to
attend service regularly. I did not grow up a regular church-goer. My parents
have never taken me to church, though I drag my mom sometimes. My Catholic
uncle took me to his church sometimes, and my Christian uncle also took me to
his. During my time at APU, we were required to attend chapel three times a
week. It was actually a mostly enjoyable experience, but I did spend plenty of morning
chapels sitting in the back doing homework. Other times, I would be so tired
that I couldn’t stay awake. One of my roommates, like the good friend she was,
would punch me in the thigh when I fell asleep.
I actually
have never fully understand why going to church is so important. I knew it was
important to go, though, so I’ve made attempts throughout my life. The article “Spiritual
Engagement and Meaning” argues that one of the reasons there is a close link
between religiousness and happiness is because, “Religious organizations
provide strong social support from like-minded people, providing various
opportunities for socializing, community service and making friends with
individuals from a common network.” Interestingly enough, I am currently
attending a Christian church, but go to a Catholic young adult group. I like
the new church I found, because there’s a good pastor who is knowledgeable and
engaging. But, I keep attending the young adult group, because I like being
with a group of people who are all on the same page as me. We meet to read and
discuss the Bible and how it relates to our daily lives. It’s really nice. I
can’t say I have a support system there (I have two friends who go and many
acquaintances), and actually never have at any church, but I did have that at
APU.
My
roommates were not the typical APUian praise Jesus types, but neither was I. We
all experienced God in our own way, and actually didn’t spend a whole lot of
time talking about it. But I appreciated that we all understood that all five of
us were believers of different backgrounds, and trying to figure out our own faiths. It was just as normal to come home to our apartment finding someone
listening to Rihanna as it was to find them listening to Phil Wickham (Christian
artist - well, this happened less occasionally). And we would make fun of both, or not, depending on who it was and what
mood we were in. Above everything, the thing I appreciated the most was that
when I was going through a hard time and talked to one of my roommates about
it, they never ever just said they’d pray for me. They would sit there, listen,
tell me nice things to make me feel better, and give me chocolate sometimes.
They were supportive, and I loved that. I guess that’s what people are supposed
to find at church.
Multiple
studies indicate that church attendance is one of the most important
characteristics that leads to happiness among believers. A 2010 study of adults
found that other than service attendance and congregation-based friendships, “other
subjective components of religion do not influence life satisfaction
significantly.” Also, a few different studies report that attending a religious
service regularly leads to longer life as opposed to those who never attend.
Even those who attend irregularly live longer than non-attenders.
Here’s
where I’ll make some speculation about why nonbelievers can be just as happy or
happier than believers, even though believers are often happier overall. In all
my research of happiness, the thing that comes up the most about the key to
happiness is gratitude. Religion teaches people gratitude, but you don’t need
religion to learn it. Thus, anyone who is a grateful person can be happy with or without religion. According to the research I did for this post, the number one
reason religious people are happier is because of the support system and community of like-minded people they find from regular service attendance. You also don’t need church
for that. I know an 81 year old man who has attended AA meetings regularly for
the past 41 years. He won’t ever miss unless he absolutely has to. It’s his community.
It’s where he feels he belongs, and where he can do good by being supportive as
well as receiving the support of others.
I found my
support at APU, which explains why my faith didn’t help me after I graduated.
When I was depressed, I had God, but I didn’t have a community anymore. I had
friends, friends who have been my friends since before my time at APU. I’m so
grateful for their support, but they couldn’t provide the community that I
missed. I’m so close to my friends, and almost all have been life-long, but
there’s just something about going to a place where you feel loved and
welcomed. At APU, I was surrounded by people like me, who were believers, there
to learn and also trying to explore their faith in whatever direction it needed
to go. It’s where I found community and happiness.
Sources:
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